


if I go outside i’ll fall apart

by Davys_dead



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: I’m sorry for this, M/M, and I actually don’t even know why I wrote this, but it made me cry a little so, spaghetti death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 12:16:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15142904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davys_dead/pseuds/Davys_dead
Summary: I don't want to be awake againI spend my days with my head in my handsIf I go outside, I'll fall apartI am mostly scared by passing timeThe world it seems gets more unkindInevitable tragedies will soon be mine





	if I go outside i’ll fall apart

**Author's Note:**

> He guys long time no see. I am truly sorry for this lol
> 
> Characters belong to Rainbow Rowell!

  The sun never comes out anymore. At least it seems that way. As Simon sits by the fountain in a park being pummeled by fat droplets of rain, he feels as if he can’t hold himself together anymore. Watford in his past, his own magic lost, Penny moving to America, and… and Baz.

  Simon had always been obsessed with Baz. First year in school until the end he was all he thought about. When he disappeared in their seventh year Simon almost went crazy with worry. When they fell in love… oh it was like putting a match next to a barrel full of gasoline. It had the potential to tear everything and everyone around them to shreds.

  Simon had thought they’d strike the match. Thought they’d make a fire that could burn forever. But it didn’t burn long. It was explosive, fast and sharp, leaving behind so much wreckage. And there he was, leftover shrapnel, as Baz burned away like a piece of paper.

 

Dead. Baz was dead. And what was Simon supposed to do? What’s the protocol for when your boyfriend gets too close to the stove and flares up into ash when you’re making spaghetti? Fucking spaghetti. Fuck spaghetti.

 

  So he sat by this fountain, watching the ripples the rain made in the basin, and let them swallow him whole.

  It had started out beautifully. And it was love, oh it was love. And Simon loved. There was no doubt about that. And Baz had loved him back. Loved him wholeheartedly and completely.

  Baz; who worked hard as accountant. Taking a Normal job to help Simon pay his way through university. Baz; who woke Simon up every morning with a kiss and a scone. Baz; who told him he wanted to marry him. Told him he wanted to be with him forever. Baz, who had left Simon in a burst of flame and ash and tomato sauce. And now Simon sits by the same fountain everyday and listens to the water fall. Thinks about how he could’ve saved Baz if only he still had power. Thinks about how the water in this giant fucking fountain could have saved the man he loved.

  So he sits. And he thinks. And he remembers.


End file.
